Engineering Joke

Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #3553
    Vy Nguyen
    Participant

    To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
    To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
    To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

    #3708
    Cindy Chen
    Participant

    A : Can you get 10 apples on you way back home? If you see a watermelon, get one.

    B : Okay!

    A : Why did you only get one apple?

    B : Coz I saw a watermelon.

    number = 10;
    if(melon == true){
    number = 1;
    }

    #3991
    Hao Yuan
    Participant

    Old but good

    Attachments:
    You must be logged in to view attached files.
    #6683
    Katherine Schroeer
    Participant

    Definition of an engineer: somebody who makes precise guesswork based on unreliable data provided by people with questionable knowledge. Never wrong. Likes tables.

    #6706
    Timothy Healy
    Participant

    Reply to Vy Nguyen of #3553:

    You can never really trust chemical engineers:

     

    A chemist, a physicist, and a chemical engineer are rafting down a river. They crash the raft onto the bank. They have a supply of canned goods but no can opener.

    The chemist tries to erode the can. That doesn’t work.

    The physicist uses his glasses to focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the can. That doesn’t work either.

    The chemical engineer stands up and proclaims: “I’ve got it! Assume the can is open!”

    #6813
    Saksham Garg
    Participant

    What’s the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

    Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets.

    #6844
    Casey Miller
    Participant

    A group of Engineering professors were invited to fly in a plane. Right after they were comfortably seated, they were informed the plane was built by their students.

    All but one got off their seats and headed frantically to the exits in maniacal panic.

    The one lone professor that stayed put, calmly in his seat, was asked: “Why did you stay put?”

    “I have plenty of confidence in my students. Knowing them, I for a fact can assure you this plane will never even start.”

    #6849
    Tyler
    Participant

    What’s the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

    Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets.

    #6850
    Tyler
    Participant

    Three engineers were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.  One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”

    Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.”

    The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

    #6872
    Ethan Gudmundsson
    Participant

    An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it.

    The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer.

    The engineer goes second. He pulls out his engineering pad and book of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes he’s ready. He takes aim and he fires. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.

    The statistician triumphantly leaps in the air shouting, “We got it!”

    #7006
    Max Melnarik
    Participant

    A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!”
    The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”
    The priest said, “Here comes the green-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.”
    He said, “Hello George, what’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”
    The green-keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”
    The group fell silent for a moment.
    The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”
    The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”
    The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”

    #7079
    Andrew Haen
    Participant

    A programmer’s wife tells him to go buy some milk, and while he’s there, to get a dozen eggs.

    He still hasn’t come back.

    #7118
    Maxwell Roitstein
    Participant

    Definition of an engineer: somebody who makes precise guesswork based on unreliable data provided by people with questionable knowledge. Never wrong. Likes tables.

Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

Share this post
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
Iconic One Theme | Powered by Wordpress